Asking Tough Questions to Avoid Divorce

McNamee Mediations is a small business in Orange County, California owned by Colleen McNamee. They offer premarital workshops as one of their services. This is a transcript of a video where Colleen talks about how to prevent divorce

Premarital Counselling with a Divorce Mediator

You brought up the church, the religious premarital counselling. And I know there’s a lot of churches that offer that, and it seems like a really good service. But do they touch upon or hit upon these really difficult points. I don’t know if you know what they go through or not. But it sounds like yours is very much in-your-face and very direct about things. A lot of times counselling in various things, you’re just trying to get you to, it seems like to me, talk about things, and either create problems or you don’t get to the bulk of what the problem really is. In your case, was this written by you?

Yes.

And did you just take kind of these that I’ve chose from all your past clients. Because you could have seen in real life what it really is.

Right. Because I have been practicing for a long time, and I’ve had just my mediation practice for almost 15 years now. So you can imagine, especially in the mediation, when I’m working with both parties, I get to see the dynamic on both sides regarding each issue that’s kind of caused the breakdown of the marriage. And they’re usually related to religion, money, affairs (so anything kind of sex related). And sometimes it’s also the role in the relationship. Like they don’t talk about, “Are we going to both have careers when were married?” or “When we have children, do we want one of us to stay home, does one of us even want to stay home, would we want to go part-time, can we afford to do this?” And those really aren’t things that people necessarily talk about prior to getting married, because they feel like it’s kind of jumping the gun. Or if they do, they talk about it very loosely. And I think it’s really important to make sure when you’re starting something like marriage together, that you’re on the same page. Because that just makes you this power couple moving forward, instead of two individuals who could potentially have friction moving forward when issues come up. And again, we’re not going to hit on everything that’s going to come up, but there are some core issues that are the leading causes of divorce these days that I address. And you’re right, it’s a little bit in-your-face. And the purpose isn’t to cause problems and convince the couple not to get married. Because what I’m trying to do is kind of salvage the potential for breakdown later in the marriage by addressing these beforehand. And so it usually doesn’t incite problems with the couple because there’s no hot topic that’s readily apparent. We’re actually just working through them before, and they probably think some of the stuff I ask them as sort of silly. But it’s good, and the couples that I’ve done it with have come back and said later, “Gosh, it was so good that we talked about this, because something came up about it 9 months into our marriage, and we wouldn’t have known where the other one stood had we not been in your workshop.

Click the link below to watch the full video:

**Avoiding Divorce** by Asking TOUGH Questions on Core Issues BEFORE Marriage 

Tips to Avoid Divorce from McNamee Mediations

One of the most effective ways to boost your sales is to post videos about your business online. This post is a transcription of a video of Colleen McNamee sharing her expert tips on how to avoid divorce.

How to Avoid Divorce – Premarital Seminar

Colleen McNamee's Interview at Money Matters with Dino regarding How to Avoid Divorce

Colleen McNamee’s Interview at Money Matters with Dino regarding How to Avoid Divorce

Today’s show not our typical, boring, money-type stuff. It’s actually about divorce. The reason we do talk about this on a Money Matter Show is because divorce is truly the worst financial decision that one could ever make in their entire life. It will absolutely cripple you.

I have heard all the jokes. Why is divorce so expensive? Well, because it’s worth it. In some cases, maybe it is. If you’re in a horrible relationship. But the financial piece of this is something you have to think about long and hard. Just from a personal stand point, if you tried hard enough, you can make it work. Somebody told me recently that if you put as much time into your marriage as you do put into your work, you’d probably just as successful in your marriage. So, think about all that stuff.

And today, we’re bringing on Colleen McNamee from McNamee Mediations. She’s going to talk about how to avoid divorce through proper planning and communication. Now, typically, she’s a mediator, and she facilitates in ending a divorce, I think in a little bit better manner that going to courts, and a heck of a lot cheaper, that’s for sure.

But again, today we’re going to talk about mostly focused in on how to avoid a divorce. So usually, we sit and talk about how to facilitate the end of a divorce. I’m glad we’re coming on here today to talk about the opposite end and how to avoid it completely. And I know you do a couple things through your practice. One is you have a marriage contract that you focused in a lot on, and that’s helped I guess quite a few people from the conversation we had, and two, you have a pre-marital workshop. So before we get into all this other part of the show, can you tell me a little bit of both of those and what exactly they entail.

So, there are two different things that I’ve created kind of over the course of having my practice, because oftentimes I do come across couples who are looking to prepare for marriage and want to avoid divorcing later, which is where the pre-marital workshop came from.

The pre-marital workshop is a 3-parts seminar where it’s me and the couple though. It’s a one on one thing. It’s not like it’s a bunch people sitting in a room. And I meet the couple and give them a worksheet to complete. And what that worksheet is, is the things over the course of my life as a family-law attorney-mediator that I have noticed have been the direct, reoccurring causes for divorce. There are topics such as “Do you want children?” and then there are subcategories under there. If you say no or you both say no, then you don’t have to fill out the subcategories. But the worksheets that you fill out individually, and oftentimes when I get them back, there are diverging answers.

The things that I am asking in the worksheets are not things that you typically, during this happy dating stage, would think of asking either for fear of it just being weird to talk about or things that aren’t just in your mind, because you’re loving each other and you’re in this like honeymoon stage of just anticipating your wedding and what a bliss thereafter.

And so the purpose of this is not a religious one like you would get going through a premarital counselling at your church, or a therapeutic one that you would get by working with a therapist. This is more a premarital workshop from a legal standpoint to help you avoid legal obstacles that could cause the demise of your marriage down the road.

You can also watch the video below:

How to Avoid Divorce – Orange County Pre Marital Workshops