Asking Tough Questions to Avoid Divorce

McNamee Mediations is a small business in Orange County, California owned by Colleen McNamee. They offer premarital workshops as one of their services. This is a transcript of a video where Colleen talks about how to prevent divorce

Premarital Counselling with a Divorce Mediator

You brought up the church, the religious premarital counselling. And I know there’s a lot of churches that offer that, and it seems like a really good service. But do they touch upon or hit upon these really difficult points. I don’t know if you know what they go through or not. But it sounds like yours is very much in-your-face and very direct about things. A lot of times counselling in various things, you’re just trying to get you to, it seems like to me, talk about things, and either create problems or you don’t get to the bulk of what the problem really is. In your case, was this written by you?

Yes.

And did you just take kind of these that I’ve chose from all your past clients. Because you could have seen in real life what it really is.

Right. Because I have been practicing for a long time, and I’ve had just my mediation practice for almost 15 years now. So you can imagine, especially in the mediation, when I’m working with both parties, I get to see the dynamic on both sides regarding each issue that’s kind of caused the breakdown of the marriage. And they’re usually related to religion, money, affairs (so anything kind of sex related). And sometimes it’s also the role in the relationship. Like they don’t talk about, “Are we going to both have careers when were married?” or “When we have children, do we want one of us to stay home, does one of us even want to stay home, would we want to go part-time, can we afford to do this?” And those really aren’t things that people necessarily talk about prior to getting married, because they feel like it’s kind of jumping the gun. Or if they do, they talk about it very loosely. And I think it’s really important to make sure when you’re starting something like marriage together, that you’re on the same page. Because that just makes you this power couple moving forward, instead of two individuals who could potentially have friction moving forward when issues come up. And again, we’re not going to hit on everything that’s going to come up, but there are some core issues that are the leading causes of divorce these days that I address. And you’re right, it’s a little bit in-your-face. And the purpose isn’t to cause problems and convince the couple not to get married. Because what I’m trying to do is kind of salvage the potential for breakdown later in the marriage by addressing these beforehand. And so it usually doesn’t incite problems with the couple because there’s no hot topic that’s readily apparent. We’re actually just working through them before, and they probably think some of the stuff I ask them as sort of silly. But it’s good, and the couples that I’ve done it with have come back and said later, “Gosh, it was so good that we talked about this, because something came up about it 9 months into our marriage, and we wouldn’t have known where the other one stood had we not been in your workshop.

Click the link below to watch the full video:

**Avoiding Divorce** by Asking TOUGH Questions on Core Issues BEFORE Marriage